New Beginnings

My life has been a roller coaster, and that most definently includes my love life. Since the tender age of 13 I've dated various people. I've dated druggies, losers, hicks, jocks, geeks, body builders, sluts and almost anyone else you can think of. Raised to be open minded about other people's choices I try to avoid passing judgement on people before I know them, inevitably this has led me to date quite a few people I wish that I could take back.

But the new year has begun, it is officially 2011 and I am a college senior.  Soon my life will begin and I find myself oddly desperate to find that special someone. To find that person who is supposed to sweep me off my feet, my own personal prince charming. Yet I find my life sadly devoid of them, and the boy I thought would fit the bill seems to have some fatal flaws that sometimes make being around him absolutely miserable, and the worst flaws of all are his stubborn insistence that his faith and his beliefs are always right.

Now don't get me wrong I am a good Catholic. I go to church and confession, I try my best to be kind and thoughtful and not to pass judement on others. I believe that people should be forgiven, granted sometimes its hard and it may take a while but still if they seek it they deserve it, and even if they don't well they still deserve it too. But this boy is so blinded by his faith he finds it as an excuse to start fights constantly.

For example, I was texting him over Thanksgiving break and I was mentioning how I was going to go Christmas shopping, however instead of Christmas I put Xmas cause well mainly I was too lazy to write out Christmas.  Well he threw a huge hissy fit! He accused me of not being a Christian and not believing in God because only Athiests and those who were against the Christian religion and what Christmas stood for, namely the birth of Christ, used Xmas. Now this boy has actually been to church with me. I leave him every Sunday, even though it is our date day, to go to church. It is a rarity if I miss it, especially because most Sunday's I am a greeter for my church as well as help with CEP classes. So to have probably one of the only people that I have been honest with about how much the church and its beliefs and teachings have helped me through the ups and downs in my life question my faith cut me so deep. It felt like the fact that I had laid bare my soul to him let him in on some of my darkest secrets and moments from my past and actually allowed him to come to church and interfere with my time with God didn't matter one bit to him. Not to mention that it was perhaps the stupidest argument in the history of man! Like seriously dude I have the same beliefs as you and actually go to church whereas you sit in your little room spitting bible verses like your better than anyone else, yet none of the churches in the area are good enough for you.

And that brings me to tonight, New Years Eve, and technically I guess New Years Day. Well I'm already having a horrible night because I am stuck in Colorado, which is a fine state however the only people I know here are my dad and stepmom so needless to say my night was being spent at home doing nothing. And on top of that boring evening I also have the flu so needless to say my night was not the best. Well all I wanted was a New Years kiss cause I have never had an honest to god new years kiss, it's always been with a just friend or through a phone/text message. So I decided I wanted to skype him a little before midnight and I wanted a kiss, even if it was through a computer at least it would be better than kissing my dad! but what does this jerk do......he starts a fight with me! and not just any fight, oh no, he starts a theological discussion on homosexuality!!!! Like really!! Who does that! Especially with the girl that you are dating!!

Now don't get me wrong I don't mind an intellectual discussion but he is so pig-head and stubborn that he refuses to accept any other position but his own, which is namely that it is wrong because the Bible says that it is and that all people who make the choice to be gay need to find God and the church and seek forgiveness. Personally I think that whoever someone decides to love is entirely their business and who am I to judge them! Besides I have some great friends who are homosexual and that doesn't mean that they are bad people or bad Christians, it just means they happen to love someone of the same gender as them.....SO WHAT!!!

Well anyways we are having this discussion where he is basically just attacking me saying my opinions are all wrong and not based on anything factual whereas his are all grand. In fact the word he kept using was fallacies, my argument apparently had so many fallacies that he couldn't even give me a response. Whereas I was simply just shocked that this man that I feel so much joy with, who has such a big heart and wants to help people could be so close minded! Maybe it was just the way I was raised but I it's not my place to judge the choices other people make, especially when that choice does not affect me!

So we are having this argument and he just decides he's done and just gets off skype so me not wanting to end a conversation with him mad, cause I'm a firm believer that if you go to bed mad at someone it will only get worse as you sleep! So I text him that I don't want to end the night mad at each other he replies that he's not mad but disappointed in my views, which starts the argument all over again with him saying my thoughts, and opinions don't matter and are full of falsehoods and it get so heated that he calls me! I answer and he just continues to yell about how I'm stupid and a bad Christian and need to read the Bible cause I'm a hypocrite for choosing to follow the way that Jesus spoke about love and forgiveness for your fellow man rather than think of all the ways to punish and hurt other people.

Basically our convo ended like this:

Boy: I just don't know which lie and falsehood to bring up first? How do you tell someone their thought process is so unsound, that they might have more than the flu?

Me: If that's your opinion of me than so be it
Me: But you know if you seriously judge me because my opionion differs from yours than I seriously pity you.

So on to new beginnings. I find that although I greatly like this boy and think that at times he could be the most amazing and sweetest and the perfect one for me, he can also do a complete 180 and drive me so crazy that I don't even want to speak to him! Like right now just the thought of him makes my blood boil to the point where I just want to hit someone, preferably him!

But anyways these are my new beginnings, my resolutions that will hopefully change my life for the better:


1. Reduce my cussing, cause the mouth of a sailor is not attractive on a lady
2. Cut those people from my life that are doing me no good and only hurt me. If I'm important to them they will do whatever it takes to be good to me and do me no harm


and finally the doozy the biggest change of them all...........


3. NO SEX! none, nadda, zip, goose eggs! at least until not only am I in a loving, happy, healthy relationship, but that relationship is commited and the boy has put in the effort to deserve the goodies that I can give.


So that's my first post, kinda long but this rant was needed, hopefully you weren't too bored and stick around cause I guarantee 2011 is gonna be a bumpy ride!