Facebook....Relationship Friend or Foe?

So like most of our generation I find myself occasionally obssessed with Facebook.  There are days where I can spend hours and then times when I don't log on for weeks. And with it now available on my phone I find that the only real reason I need to go online anymore is when I am using it to kill time. Yet is all this information about everyone a good idea, especially when it comes to relationships.

Now I'll admit that I'm one of those people who when I'm "with" someone I write on their wall and tag pictures of us together, kind of a cyper marking of my territory. I also admit that I have issues, especially with trust, and this leads me to analyze the different things that occur on facebook, especially when it deals with other girls. Now don't think that I'm one of those girls that if you talk to another I will freak out on you, but at the same time I believe that certain rules should be followed in order to make things run more smoothly.

That's why I find my recent semi-relationship in such a tangle.  He is the type of guy who is willing to help others which is perfectly fine and I actualy like about him, to a point. And this willingness to be nice and help and facebook have collided in a way that has me questioning is this really going to work.

Here's the story. There was this big event a date event, and he asked  me to be his date and I was ecstatic. I instantly went online and bought a new dress and jewelry and planned out my hair and rearranged my schedule so that I could make it, canceling plans with quite a few people who are still mad at me, but it was gonna be worth it. It was going to be a fun night where we would get all dressed up and drink and party and get to be coupley in a very public way which is a huge deal! Then the dilemma, a few days before the event he tells me that his friend, who is a girl, is moving states and he will most likely never see her again and she is coming to visit for a night, on that night, the night that I had planned and primped and was the only light at the end of a dark tunnel of crap that I was dealing with. Needless to say I was speechless, I mean what could I really say? He's not techinically my boyfriend so I couldn't completely object so I was just silent for most of the night and asked could he please ask her to come another night? Why does it have to be that night, my  night, my happy ever after night. But he wouldn't budge so I sucked it up granted I wasn't exactly the nicest person the rest of the night but I figured one night fine but he would need to follow my rules, the big one being Absolutely no sleeping in the same bed.

Things only got worse when I found out that she would be saving two nights and he was a complete butthole and didn't see why it was such a big deal. I'm ashamed to say at this point I wanted to bawl. I wanted to crawl into myself and just die, I felt absolutely crushed. How could he not see how important this was! And if she was coming two nights why not just come the one, the one after my happily ever after night. I mean its not like I've ever heard this girl mentioned, and she wasn't in his cyber world at all! (I know cause I checked, can you blame me for wanted to know what I was up against?)

So the night comes and I'm a mess so how do I solve this dilemma, I get drunk, really, really drunk with my best friend on wine while watching Elf and various other movies. I also send texts to some of my best guy friends who instantly know I'm feeling down in the dumps and send me greatly reassuring texts thereby boosting my mood. The second night I solve my problems by having several people from his house over to my apartment to drink, with a strict invitation that he is not allowed to come. And this little bit of information that his brothers come over without him well it made me feel better, much much better.

So those days end we talk about it and I figure she's moving no longer an issue, but oh boy was I ever wrong! This girl just won't leave! Every other day she's writing on his facebook wall, commenting on his pictures (and not even legit ones, ones that are years old and his profile pics! Like really?!?). Now I know that it looks bad that I know this, however in my defence I did not stalk him to figure out all this (not that I am above stalking, but I just havne't felt like I needed to), I found it all out via that lovely invention called the facebook news feed, cause after every comment she made he either liked it or made another comment. And then to top it all off she writes one day how much she misses him and needs him to hold her and the very next day puts a picture on his wall saying how much her and her cat miss him! I'm sorry but since when is that "Just Friends" behavior? I know tons of guys and I would never put how much I need them to hold me or a picture of me and my pet on their page! That's just not normal! That's flirting openly without any problem and everytime I see it I get a pressure in my chest and my stomach twists into knots.

It also makes me wonder, how great of a guy can he be if he just allows this kind of blatent PDA from a girl who is just his friend?

This brings me to my original point, with this kind of availability to each others information what kind of world are we building? Cause personally I know that it is currently my foe causing me to lose trust and feelings that I have for someone making me distant and unwilling to commit.

New Beginnings

My life has been a roller coaster, and that most definently includes my love life. Since the tender age of 13 I've dated various people. I've dated druggies, losers, hicks, jocks, geeks, body builders, sluts and almost anyone else you can think of. Raised to be open minded about other people's choices I try to avoid passing judgement on people before I know them, inevitably this has led me to date quite a few people I wish that I could take back.

But the new year has begun, it is officially 2011 and I am a college senior.  Soon my life will begin and I find myself oddly desperate to find that special someone. To find that person who is supposed to sweep me off my feet, my own personal prince charming. Yet I find my life sadly devoid of them, and the boy I thought would fit the bill seems to have some fatal flaws that sometimes make being around him absolutely miserable, and the worst flaws of all are his stubborn insistence that his faith and his beliefs are always right.

Now don't get me wrong I am a good Catholic. I go to church and confession, I try my best to be kind and thoughtful and not to pass judement on others. I believe that people should be forgiven, granted sometimes its hard and it may take a while but still if they seek it they deserve it, and even if they don't well they still deserve it too. But this boy is so blinded by his faith he finds it as an excuse to start fights constantly.

For example, I was texting him over Thanksgiving break and I was mentioning how I was going to go Christmas shopping, however instead of Christmas I put Xmas cause well mainly I was too lazy to write out Christmas.  Well he threw a huge hissy fit! He accused me of not being a Christian and not believing in God because only Athiests and those who were against the Christian religion and what Christmas stood for, namely the birth of Christ, used Xmas. Now this boy has actually been to church with me. I leave him every Sunday, even though it is our date day, to go to church. It is a rarity if I miss it, especially because most Sunday's I am a greeter for my church as well as help with CEP classes. So to have probably one of the only people that I have been honest with about how much the church and its beliefs and teachings have helped me through the ups and downs in my life question my faith cut me so deep. It felt like the fact that I had laid bare my soul to him let him in on some of my darkest secrets and moments from my past and actually allowed him to come to church and interfere with my time with God didn't matter one bit to him. Not to mention that it was perhaps the stupidest argument in the history of man! Like seriously dude I have the same beliefs as you and actually go to church whereas you sit in your little room spitting bible verses like your better than anyone else, yet none of the churches in the area are good enough for you.

And that brings me to tonight, New Years Eve, and technically I guess New Years Day. Well I'm already having a horrible night because I am stuck in Colorado, which is a fine state however the only people I know here are my dad and stepmom so needless to say my night was being spent at home doing nothing. And on top of that boring evening I also have the flu so needless to say my night was not the best. Well all I wanted was a New Years kiss cause I have never had an honest to god new years kiss, it's always been with a just friend or through a phone/text message. So I decided I wanted to skype him a little before midnight and I wanted a kiss, even if it was through a computer at least it would be better than kissing my dad! but what does this jerk do......he starts a fight with me! and not just any fight, oh no, he starts a theological discussion on homosexuality!!!! Like really!! Who does that! Especially with the girl that you are dating!!

Now don't get me wrong I don't mind an intellectual discussion but he is so pig-head and stubborn that he refuses to accept any other position but his own, which is namely that it is wrong because the Bible says that it is and that all people who make the choice to be gay need to find God and the church and seek forgiveness. Personally I think that whoever someone decides to love is entirely their business and who am I to judge them! Besides I have some great friends who are homosexual and that doesn't mean that they are bad people or bad Christians, it just means they happen to love someone of the same gender as them.....SO WHAT!!!

Well anyways we are having this discussion where he is basically just attacking me saying my opinions are all wrong and not based on anything factual whereas his are all grand. In fact the word he kept using was fallacies, my argument apparently had so many fallacies that he couldn't even give me a response. Whereas I was simply just shocked that this man that I feel so much joy with, who has such a big heart and wants to help people could be so close minded! Maybe it was just the way I was raised but I it's not my place to judge the choices other people make, especially when that choice does not affect me!

So we are having this argument and he just decides he's done and just gets off skype so me not wanting to end a conversation with him mad, cause I'm a firm believer that if you go to bed mad at someone it will only get worse as you sleep! So I text him that I don't want to end the night mad at each other he replies that he's not mad but disappointed in my views, which starts the argument all over again with him saying my thoughts, and opinions don't matter and are full of falsehoods and it get so heated that he calls me! I answer and he just continues to yell about how I'm stupid and a bad Christian and need to read the Bible cause I'm a hypocrite for choosing to follow the way that Jesus spoke about love and forgiveness for your fellow man rather than think of all the ways to punish and hurt other people.

Basically our convo ended like this:

Boy: I just don't know which lie and falsehood to bring up first? How do you tell someone their thought process is so unsound, that they might have more than the flu?

Me: If that's your opinion of me than so be it
Me: But you know if you seriously judge me because my opionion differs from yours than I seriously pity you.

So on to new beginnings. I find that although I greatly like this boy and think that at times he could be the most amazing and sweetest and the perfect one for me, he can also do a complete 180 and drive me so crazy that I don't even want to speak to him! Like right now just the thought of him makes my blood boil to the point where I just want to hit someone, preferably him!

But anyways these are my new beginnings, my resolutions that will hopefully change my life for the better:


1. Reduce my cussing, cause the mouth of a sailor is not attractive on a lady
2. Cut those people from my life that are doing me no good and only hurt me. If I'm important to them they will do whatever it takes to be good to me and do me no harm


and finally the doozy the biggest change of them all...........


3. NO SEX! none, nadda, zip, goose eggs! at least until not only am I in a loving, happy, healthy relationship, but that relationship is commited and the boy has put in the effort to deserve the goodies that I can give.


So that's my first post, kinda long but this rant was needed, hopefully you weren't too bored and stick around cause I guarantee 2011 is gonna be a bumpy ride!